Silence Speaks
by esompthin
Summary: WaywardSpark commented on Silver Tongued for a modern!selectivelymute!Alex au (I didn't forget about it!). So have some quiet college au lams trash. - John is frustrated because literally everyone else gets to hear Alex's voice, but for some reason, Alex won't talk to him! Did he do something wrong?


John was not a very needy man. He didn't need a bunch of stuff for him to be happy. He wasn't materialistic. He didn't crave attention or validation. He was very content with who he was and what he stood for. He didn't require any for simple peace of mind.

But there was one thing he desperately wanted.

He just really really _really_ wanted to hear Alexander Hamilton talk.

You see, John was introduced to Alexander through Aaron Burr; who was the valedictorian. John didn't exactly talk to Burr much, but Hercules had a few classes with him, so they were kind of buddies?

Anyway, John was sitting with Herc; chatting about something. He honestly can't remember. He doesn't remember much about that day. Like he blacked out or something once Alexander walked into the room.

"To which I said, 'horses are very beautiful animals and-" Herc stopped suddenly, a wicked grin crossing his face, "Well if it ain't the prodigy of Princeton College!"

John looked over to where Herc was staring and smiled, "Aaron Burr."

"Laurens. Hercules." Burr said, his hands clasped behind his back. He held himself stiffly, like he was trying hard to appear tall and proper. John rolled his eyes at it.

"What're you up to today, sir?" Herc asked, taking a swig of his water.

"I'm helping a new student." Burr gestures to the shorter man who's standing next to them. John almost chokes on his breath. The boy is beautiful. He's got long brown hair that's currently up in a bun. He's looking down at his papers, shuffling them slightly as he's figuring out his schedule. He doesn't appear to be very interested in making new friends, which is a shame, because he's super cute. "Alexander Hamilton."

"Nice to meet you." Hercules said, reaching forward to shake Alexander's hand.

Alex takes his hand, gaze flicking up. He opens his mouth to speak but then his eyes slide over to John and his mouth snaps shut. Alex drops Herc's hand and swallows heavily, keeping his gaze locked with John's.

"Alexander comes from the Caribbean; although he has yet to tell me where." Burr says, apparently not noticing or not caring about Alex's strange behavior. "He's in a few of my classes. I'm sure you'll see him around. In the meantime, I'd like to finish this tour as soon as possible."

Alexander nodded frantically, practically scurrying after Burr. He looked over his shoulder as he was leaving, making eye contact with John once again. He whipped his head around, cheeks burning.

After a moment, Herc grinned, "Awww. He's shy."

That adorable blush made him even cuter.

John needed to see him again.

* * *

John thanked the good Christian Lord that Hercules Mulligan was one of the friendliest motherfuckers on this green planet. It's Herc's doing that John meets Alex again.

John texted his roommate, wondering where he was. Herc's reply was:

 _Talkin to Alexander,,, at the quad_

You can't blame a guy for sending a quick _be there soon_ and then racing to the quad. He wanted to see the cute new boy again. Is that such a crime?

John could see the bench they were sitting on. Alexander was talking animatedly as Herc laughed. Alex lightly smacked Herc's arm and it was great to see the two of them were already super relaxed around each other. As John got closer, Alex looked over to him.

His entire stance suddenly changed. He sat up straighter, his hands falling into his lap, his mouth clamping shut like a safe. John's smile faltered slightly at the sight of it. A wall was very clearly built.

"Hey," John said awkwardly, "I'm, um, John? You remember me?"

"Oh, yeah." Hercules grinned, "Alex remembers you _very well_."

Alex blushed and pushed Herc off the bench. The man burst out laughing and John chuckled a little, too, a bit hopeful. But Alexander wasn't looking at him, instead choosing to glare at the guy by his feet.

"Alexander was just telling me about this fight he and Jefferson got in." Herc explained.

John scowled, "I hate that guy. You should join the debate team. He's the captain of it, and I'd love to see him be taken down a few pegs."

Alex looked up at him, a challenging glint in his eyes. He smiled and nodded, grinning when Herc laughed. Alex quirked an eyebrow and pointed to John.

Hercules shook his head, "No, he's not in debate. Neither of us are. But everyone just _knows_ how annoying Jefferson is. You should totally tear him apart."

Alex grinned again, but his phone started buzzing. He looked down at it and frowned. He smiled apologetically and answered the phone. John could hear someone talking to him, frantically and apparently without taking a breath. Alex apologetically gestured, clearly meaning he has to go. Herc nodded, waving him away as John finally helped him off the ground. They watched Alex's retreating back. John could see Alex making vague hand gestures as he clearly replied to what was being said.

"He doesn't talk much." John mumbled.

"Alex talks all the time." Herc replied, dusting off his pants.

Herc just chuckled at John's suspicious gaze.

* * *

"Alright, stop whining." Hercules muttered as he stepped into their room. John looked up from the book he was reading.

"I literally wasn't doing anything." John said.

Herc shrugged, "I meant in general."

He dropped down into the bean bag next to him. "I got his number for you."

John very carefully set his book down, saving his spot, before he frantically climbed into Herc's lap, digging his hands into his friend's pockets, "Where? How? Where is it? Did you say it was for me? Did he ask about me? Or did you get it for you and are just being nice? Have I told you I love you?"

Herc was laughing because John's hands tickled, as he pulled his phone out of his back pocket. "Here, I"ll send you the number, relax, hold on - jesus - hold on!"

John sat back, patiently resting his hands on Herc's tummy as he waited for him to copy and paste the number. When John's phone vibrated in his pocket, he almost squealed. He saved the number quickly and refrained from adding embarrassing heart emojis after the name.

"How'd you do it?" John whispered.

Herc laughed again, "I asked for his number. And he gave it to me."

"You're my hero."

* * *

Alexander was not a needy guy. He grew up poor; he had to work for everything he has. He doesn't ask for a lot from the world. He just wants to graduate the top of his class; become an awesome lawyer, work his way up the political system, and then become the best president in the whole wide world. Truly, he was a simple man.

But there was one thing he desperately wanted.

John's number.

The only problem is that once the incredibly cute boy comes near him, his words get caught in his throat. He's never had this problem before. Yes, he was used to not being able to talk. But never because of a cute boy. He was _such_ a flirt. But with John, he just… can't.

Thank _God_ for texting. He doesn't have to open his mouth to text.

"Herc, pleeeeeeease!" Alexander whined, practically throwing himself against the other man. Herc laughed at him, and shook his head.

"Nah, man. I'm not giving out Johnny's number without his permission." Herc said, "That's an invasion of privacy and trust."

Alex danced on his feet childishly, "But he's so cute, Herc!"

For some reason, that made Hercules roll his eyes playfully. "You could, oh, I don't know, ask him for it yourself."

Alexander could feel his throat closing up; his tongue was refusing to do it's job. Hercules could practically see the words being forcibly dragged up and out of Alexander's throat; the effort it took just to say, "I can't."

"I know, buddy." Herc clapped his shoulder, smiling sympathetically. Alexander already explained to Hercules his little issue.

It's something that he does, whenever he can. If he _can_ talk, he spreads awareness about why he _can't_ talk. And if he can't say it outloud, he writes it down. People react differently. Sometimes they're understanding. Usually they're not. Fortunately, Herc went to the library right after Alex told him and looked up everything he could about selective mutism. Alex knew right then that this man was one he wanted to keep around.

Herc gently massaged his shoulders, lowering his voice, "You're okay; relax."

Alex nodded and swallowed around the knot in his throat. He smiled weakly when he could feel his muscles relax. Words flowed easier now; "I just get so- so-" Alex waved his hand vaguely, "around him. I don't want to look stupid. I _want_ to talk to him; I just… can't."

"Calm down; take it slow." Herc suggested, "I won't give you his number, but I can give him yours, if you want. He can text you first."

Alex's face brightened, "That's an excellent idea!"

Hercules laughed as he gave Alex his phone to type his number into. Alex's hands were shaking giddily as he typed. As soon as Herc had his phone back in his hand, Alexander was pushing him away. He wasn't making much of a difference, since Herc was so much bigger and stronger than him. But the boy didn't give up, pushing against his back.

"Go give it to hiiiiim!" Alex grunted, pressing his head against Herc's shoulders as he pointed him in the direction of their appartment.

"Now?" Alex could hear the amusement in Herc's voice.

"Now!" Alex demanded, "Go go gogogogogo!"

The immigrant almost fell on his face when Herc started walking. "Alright, alright. Sheesh, you guys are helpless."

* * *

 _Alexander? It's John. This is my number._

John took multiple deep breaths before he sent the message. Herc was smirking at him from across their room; but John ignored him. There was a terrified part of his mind that told him Alexander wouldn't reply. That he had no intention to ever talk to John. The thought made his heart sink and he tried to hold onto the hope that it wasn't true.

His phone started vibrating rapidly, snapping him out of his thoughts.

 _Hey!_

 _Hi!_

 _How are you!?_

 _:DDD_

John laughed at the onslaught of messages. He couldn't stop the wide smile that spread across his lips. This is it! He's talking to him! Oh my god! He quickly tapped out a reply.

 _I'm good. Is it okay that Herc gave me ur number?_

The replies came immediately.

 _Yes!_

 _Yeah._

 _That's totally cool_

 _v okay_

John texted him all night, each time he got a new message he felt lighter and lighter. Long after Herc was asleep, John was still up, talking to the cute boy on the other end of the line.

 _I got to go to bed now, Al. I got a 9am lecture._

John was half asleep as he read the replies.

 _Disgusting_

 _Ttyl?_

John nodded, already stepping into dream land. He forgot to reply. But that's alright. He slept fantastically, despite the few hours he got.

* * *

"Alex was inviting me and the girls to a movie night." Eliza Schuyler was saying. She's in a few of John's classes and they're not super close, but she's nice enough.

"Oh, you know Alex?" John asked, raising an eyebrow.

Eliza nodded, "He's in my English class. He argues with the TA."

John smiled at that. "He didn't tell me about a movie night."

"He must've not gotten around to asking you yet." Eliza shrugged, "But I'm sure you're invited. He's very fond of you."

John blushed at that, hiding his goofy smile by checking his phone. "Maybe he'll text me later."

He wasn't discouraged by not being the first person asked. He's not that petty.

But the invitation never came.

John and Alex texted back and forth all day, but the movie night was never brought up. As the hours passed by and the time for the party got closer, John's smiles grew more tight. His chest grew foggier.

It was clear a decision was made.

* * *

Alex laughed as Angelica ruffled his hair. She and her sisters were the first to show up at his small apartment. Eliza pressed a soft kiss to his cheek and sat down on his couch. Peggy high-fived him and headed towards the snack table.

"What are we thinking about today?" Eliza asked, looking at the pile of dvds on the table.

"Disney." Alex supplied; "It's all I have, really."

Angelica snorted, but picked up _Hunchback of Notre Dame_. "I like this one."

"I vote _101 Dalmatians_!" Peggy called, a handful of chips in her mouth.

Eliza shrugged, "Why not both?"

"I like the way you think." Alex winked. There was a knock at the door and Alex went to open it. Only Herc and Laf weren't there yet. He opened the door and smiled at the Frenchman on the other side.

"Bonjour!" Lafayette excitedly said, pressing a kiss to Alex's cheek.

"Salut!" Alex grins, stepping aside to let him in.

Lafayette grinned at the two sitting girls. "Hello, my name is Lafayette. I'm a student exchanged."

"It's nice to meet you." Angelica said as Eliza smiled, "Enchanté!"

"Laf, this is Angelica and Eliza," Alex called from behind Laf, "I hope you all are okay with having the subtitles on. Laf is still learning English, and reading it while he listens helps sometimes."

"That's fine." Peggy said, turning around. Laf glanced over at her, seeing her for the first time, and did a double take. His eyes widened and his jaw dropped slightly.

Alex added, "And that's Peggy."

"Mon dieu." Laf turned back to Alex, almost whispering, "Monsieur, j'ai un problème. ll y a urgence."

Alex placed a hand on his shoulder, "Qu'est-ce qui ne va pas?"

"ll y a une femme ici, et elle est très belle." Laf hissed, glancing over at Peggy, who was chatting with her sisters. She laughed and Laf blushed at the sound.

"D'accord." Alexander laughed at his friend. "Ne soyez pas timide."

Laf seemed unsure, glancing over at Peggy as she brushed a piece of hair behind her ear.

"Va parler à sa." Alex then grinned and challenged, "À moins que t'aies peur."

The Frenchman glared at him, but turned and strolled up to the sisters. Alex grinned, watching his friend fumble through some small talk, his face red. There was another knock on the door. Alex headed towards it, saying over his shoulder, "Herc's here!"

The door opened to see Hercules, who was awkwardly scratching his neck, his smile strained. "Hey, man." He turned and gestured to the other guy standing behind him. "I brought John."

Alex's eyes widened immensely. He smiled, forcing down his anxieties. He nodded and let them in. As soon as Alex closed the door behind them, he grabbed Herc and pulled him into his bedroom. Making sure the door was closed and no one was listening, Alex furiously whispered, "Why is John here?!"

Herc sighed, "Man, he looked like a kicked puppy. He knew about the movie night. I don't know who told him, but it wasn't me."

"But I'm not ready!" Alex hissed, "I can't talk in front of him! What do I do?"

"You don't have to talk. There's enough of us here. We can fill the silence. Besides, it's a movie. Commentary is frowned upon." Herc said, as if he had been rehearsing it in his head on the way here. Which he probably was. "You can't push John away, just because your won't talk."

"Can't. Not won't." Alex corrected.

Herc nodded, "I know, sorry. Look, I got your back. And you could just text instead of talking. Don't worry about it."

Alex was very worried about it. Because that meant that not only was he unable to talk to John, but to the rest of his friends, too. That's why he didn't invite John. Not yet. He wanted to get more comfortable first. He wanted to be able to talk to the guy first.

Herc patted Alex's back and led him back to the living room. The bigger guy took the open spot next to Laf, who was sitting next to Peggy. Angelica and Eliza were sharing the loveseat. This meant that the only open spot was next to John, unless Alex wanted to sit on the floor.

Alex sat next to the freckled boy and glared when Herc whispered something into Laf's ear. The Frenchman's face lit up. He leaned over Herc and grinned at Alex.

"Va lui parler." Laf suggested, a tease in his voice, "À moins que t'aies peur."

Alex couldn't find it in him to take the challenge. He scowled at Laf for using his words against him. Thankfully, Angelica had already put in one of the movies and it was starting, so he didn't have to reply.

He doesn't know at what point throughout the movie he started relaxing into the couch. His knee bumped against John's and their shoulders were pressed up against one another's. The backs of their hands brushed every time their fingers twitched.

Angelica got on a rant about how awful of a human being Claude Frollo is and how that makes him a _the scariest_ Disney villain. Eliza was nodding along while everyone else was either adding small comments or ignoring her completely. Alexander wanted to join in the conversation, but his chest was heavy with words unsaid. He couldn't speak up. It would hurt to much. He just couldn't add his opinion. Not right now.

But John laughed at something Laf said, and Alex wished desperately that he could've caused that joy.

The second movie was added and people were getting tired. So there was less arguments about characters and discussions of real French buildings that Laf has visited. The longer gaps of silence calmed Alex's nerves. He let himself lean against John a little more, now that everyone was silently watching. The atmosphere was a warm, sleepy feeling and Alexander loved it.

As the credits rolled, Herc stood up and stretched. "Shit, man. I'm tired!"

"Diddo." Angelica grumbled, rubbing her eyes.

"John, you ready to head out?" Herc asked, turning to the freckled boy. Alex craned his neck to be able to look into John's eyes from his spot next to him.

John hummed, but nodded. "I guess."

Alex pried himself off the other guy so he could get up. He stood up as well, enjoying the light burn of his muscles stretching for the first time in three hours. John gently grabbed his wrist.

"Hey, uh, thanks for letting me come by." He was blushing lightly, his eyes averted.

Alex swallowed hard, opening his mouth to reply, but nothing came out. Instead, he just smiled and nodded. John didn't seem discouraged, he just grinned and said goodbye to everyone else.

Herc shot him a knowing look and then the two of them were gone. Alex immediately threw himself back onto the couch, groaning into a pillow.

"Everything alright, buddy?" Eliza chuckled.

"He's so cute, guys!" Alex lifted his head to whine. "I'm such an idiot, Jesus Christ!"

Laf chuckled, "I thought you did fantastic. Very impressive."

"Fermes ta gueule!" Alex growled, "T'es amoureux de Peggy."

The girl perked up at the sound of her name, "What about Peggy?"

"Ah! Nothing, nothing!" Laf quickly said, raising his hands. "Alexander, je vais te tuer."

Alexander snorted, "Guess I'll die."

Angelica and Eliza chuckled and they said their goodbyes. Laf quickly held out his hand, "Ah, let me walk you out, Mademoiselle."

"Okay." Peggy grinned, letting Laf lead her out the door. Alex heard the tail end of their flirting while the door closed behind them. He was left alone in his apartment to waller in his self-pity. God, why couldn't he just be normal? Why was talking so fucking hard for him?

He pulled out his phone and texted John.

 _Thanks for coming by_

 _It was fun_

 _We should hang out more_

Alex huffed at himself. Way to not appear desperate or anything. Thankfully, John didn't seem weirded out in his reply.

 _Definitely! You have a nice home._

Alex dove into a rant about how it's really a shitty apartment, but it's cheaper than the dorms. He and John stayed up late again, texting nonstop. He loves the amount of emojis John uses when he's happy.

After the fourth or fifth wall of text, John told him he had to go to bed. Hiding his disappointment, Alex told him goodnight. He fell asleep on the couch, not even bothering to clean up his apartment or get dressed.

* * *

Burr was storming past John in the hall, clearly pissed. It was the maddest John had ever seen him.

Well, John thought, this'll be interesting.

He fell into step with Burr, looking sideways at him, "Hey, is something wrong?"

"No." Burr grit out, not pausing in his steps. "I'm fine."

"Clearly." John grinned.

Burr threw his hands up, "It just doesn't make sense, how does a bastard, orphan, son of a whore, _mute_ take my place as valedictorian?!"

"Probably because none of that has to do with his grade point average." John snarled, earning a sharp glance from Burr.

"You're quick to defend someone who won't even talk to you." Burr mutters.

John stops in his tracks, watching the man go. His heart sinks into his chest, his eyes lowering to the ground. He mumbles his reply, Burr definitely not hearing it.

"I'm sure he has his reasons..."

* * *

"But what does he _sound_ like!?" John asked as Lafayette strung Peggy's hair into dreads.

Peggy hummed thoughtfully, keeping her head still as she replied, "He sounds like Alex."

"He sounds like an idiot." Laf muttered.

"Does he have an accent?" John asked, walking around to stand by Laf.

"Kind of." Peggy said, "But it's very slight. Unless he's tired."

"Or drunk." Laf added.

John almost swooned, "He has an accent!"

"I know girl, right?" Peggy giggled. Her and John shared a soft squeal.  
Laf frowned, focusing on his work, "What is so interesting about accents?"

"Accents are hot." Peggy said.

Laf almost choked on his spit.

* * *

"Hamilton." Thomas said, stopping the other man from leaving the debate room. "Your argument wasn't extraordinarily awful today."

Alexander scoffed, "Is that the best you can do in terms of a complement, Jefferson? My dog could do better."

Thomas rolled his eyes, "All I'm saying is that I didn't have the distinct urge to gag quite as much as usual."

"Well, that's very-" Hamilton's gaze drifted over Thomas' shoulder and his mouth shut with a clack. Thomas frowned, turning to see what had Alexander shutting down. Standing by the door, looking in, searching, was none other than John Laurens.

"Oh." Thomas smirked a wicked grin, " _Oh!_ Well, this is interesting."

Alex glared at him, unable to find the words to shut Thomas up. John spotted them and quickly made his way over, glaring daggers at Jefferson.

"Alex! Is he bothering you?" John asked, coming to stand slightly in front of his friend.

Thomas gave him his best innocent look, "Oh, no, not at all. You see, Hamilton and I were just having the most _lovely_ discussion about, well, just about everything, honestly. I couldn't get him to shut up. Alexander, what was that thing you said, about the birds and the bees? It was truly hilarious."

Alexander and Thomas watched as Lauren's face slowly fell the more Thomas talked. His heartbroken gaze flicked to Alex, and he whispered, "...You talk to Jefferson?"

Alex's eyes widened, his hands coming up to wave a wild ' _negative, star ranger,'_ but Thomas continued talking, "Oh, yeah. We talk all the time. You know he only does that with people he's comfortable with? If little Alex is uncomfortable he doesn't talk to you. He never talks to people he hates."

 _That's not true!_ Hamilton wanted to scream. But the words couldn't come out. He stared helplessly at John, hoping beyond hope that he'd understand.

He must've not have hoped hard enough, because he could see the wetness of John's eyes as he turned away. "I, um, have to go. I'll see you later, Hamilton."

Alex turned and decked Thomas. He could hear something crack as his fist made contact with Jefferson's face. The tall man crumpled, holding his bleeding nose. He glared at Alex, but genuinely flinched in fear when he saw the pure fury in the shorter man's eyes. Alexander was breathing hard, like he was forcing himself to not keep wailing on Thomas. Instead, he turned silently and stalked out of the room.

* * *

John was sitting in Hercules' lap, he'd stopped crying, but he didn't feel much better. Herc's big hand rubbed his back slowly, soothingly. John huffed out a sigh as he listened to Hercules' explanations.

"You can't act like it's this weird thing." Herc said quietly, "That's only going to make him feel more self-conscious. You can't just, you know, force him to talk. He has to want to."

John shook his head, "But _why_ doesn't he want to talk to me?"

"He does. He just can't." Herc shrugged, "It's like… something is stopping him. Something out of his control. If he could, he'd never stop talking to you."

John wasn't sure if he believed him. "Right, yeah."

"Just, read up on it." Herc suggested, "It's not his fault. But it's not yours either."

"Okay."

They stayed in that position for a long time as Hercules explained to John everything he had learned and everything Alexander had told him about selective mutism. John listened quietly, only speaking to ask questions. He rested his head on Herc's chest and tried to calm down.

It's okay. Alex doesn't hate him. He's not shy. He's not broken. He's just quiet. It's okay.

* * *

It was a week and a half after the Jefferson Incident. Alexander had sent John a fuckton of texts, apologizing and telling him the truth. He's not ignoring John. He doesn't like not talking. He hates Jefferson. That, plus the calm discussion with Hercules, allowed John to happily continue their friendship, ignoring the itchy feeling he got whenever he wanted to hear Alex's voice.

They hung out more often, just the two of them.

Whenever Alex wanted to say something, he'd just write it out or text it really quick. He'd watch John as he read, waiting for a response. His responses were always so breathtaking.

It was the last week of the first semester. John was spread out on Alex's couch; watching TV. It had been quiet for a while, except for the soft sound of the news.

Alex clenched his fists. He bit his lip. He bounced his leg. His gaze shifted around the room. Finally, he opened his mouth. Nothing came out. He closed his eyes and tried again.

John, unaware to what was happening next to him, tilted his head back and held his phone above him, scrolling through his social media.

A small, hesitant voice spoke, "...Can you hand me the remote?"

"Yeah." John passed the remote over, not looking away from his phone. It took him a little bit to realize what just happened. He dropped his phone on his face.

Scrambling, he sat up and looked at Alexander, who had a slightly worried expression. John didn't think twice - he didn't think once, really - before he pulled Alexander into an excited kiss. Alex's breath hitched and he smiled against John's lips.

John pulled away after a second, breathless, "I'm so sorry, I'm just excited."

Alex swallowed, licking the taste of John from his lips. He smiled shyly and mumbled, "...I should talk more often if it gets you to kiss me…"

John's smile grew impossibly wider, he laughed and pulled Alexander into another kiss.

* * *

Sometimes it was still hard for Alex to talk around John. But he was getting better every day. Soon, John will be begging him to shut the hell up.

For now, though, words are rewarded with kisses. And neither of them has ever wanted anything more.

* * *

Tell me what you think!


End file.
